The Light to My Darkness Read online

  "Is that how you feel?" James said from behind me.

  I choked on the banana in my mouth and slammed my laptop shut. "What?" I turned around to face him.

  Without the glow from the computer screen, the room was now dark. But the look in his eyes was unmistakable. It was the one that I had been missing. My eyes wandered down his abs to the V of his waist. The rest of him was hidden underneath a pair of loose sweatpants. His impressive bulge, however, was quite visible through the fabric.

  He crossed his arms and walked up to the kitchen island. "Like I don't look at you?" His voice was low and seductive. "Like you don't exist?" He put one elbow down on the counter and leaned against it.

  My eyes gravitated back to his. "I wrote that about those weeks after you found out my age. When I thought I lost you." I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "It was a long time ago."

  "That doesn't answer my question. Come here."

  I swallowed hard. "It's not how I feel. But what Dr. Nelson said bothered me, yes. How could it not? And I'm not illiterate. I see what they say in the tabloids. It's...hurtful. Ever since I stopped working everyone questions what I'm doing with my time. For a while there, it felt like everyone was on our side. And now the whole city hates me. It's like they're waiting for you to move on to the next thing. Like they can't wait for you to cast me aside for someone more interesting."

  "Come. Here."

  The way he said it made me press my thighs together. My eyes met his again. He looked like he wanted to fuck the negative thoughts right out of me. Like he wanted to take away my pain. I didn't have any doubt that he could.

  I probably moved faster than I had in weeks. The next thing I knew, his fingers were in my hair, pulling my head back so his lips could have easy access to mine. My back was pressed against the edge of the granite countertop. And his other hand had slid beneath my silk robe and was squeezing my ass.

  "Baby, I see you." His breath was hot against my skin as his lips traveled down my neck.

  All I could do was moan.

  He untied the string of my robe and separated the thin fabric.

  My hand instinctively went to my stomach. "God, I'm huge. We don't have to do this right now. I know you can't really want me like this." I reached for the cord for my robe, but he grabbed my hand.

  "You're beautiful when you're pregnant. If it was up to me, you'd be pregnant all the time."

  I laughed as he easily lifted me onto the countertop. "Pregnant all the time?" I shook my head. "Remember when I didn't have any stretch marks? Remember when I could tie my own shoes?"

  "I like your stretch marks." He kissed the side of my stomach. "They remind me of the gift you've given me." He kissed the other side of my stomach. "And I like tying your shoes." He dropped to his knees and kissed the inside of my ankle. He left a trail of kisses up the inside of my calf.

  "James." My voice quivered. No, I didn't feel attractive. But the way he was kissing me made me feel so desired.

  He gently parted my knees and continued his torturous ascent up the inside of my thigh. Suddenly I didn't care that I was seven months pregnant and felt like a whale. He took me back to when I was 19 and daring him to kiss me in his office.

  "I always want you, Penny." His tongue thrust inside of me.

  I fell back on my elbows. God. He made me feel so alive. I closed my eyes and let him pull me to the edge of the abyss. It was like he had awakened with a craving that only I could satisfy. That maybe he had been dreaming of having me just like this and then needed to make it a reality. This was so much fucking better than any dream.

  His lips found my clit and he gently sucked.

  In a matter of seconds, he had completely unwound me. I would have been embarrassed by how fast his tongue made me come. But we hadn't had sex in over a week. I was pretty sure he was minutes away from exploding himself.

  "Fuck," he groaned and replaced this tongue with his fingers. "Another perk of being pregnant. You're crazy horny." He circled my clit with his thumb as he stood back up.

  "That's just the effect you've always had on me."

  He stood in silence, towering over me. He grabbed my hand, pulled me back to a seated position, and placed my hand on his erection. I wrapped my fingers around his length. He didn't have to say anything. This was proof that I still had the same effect on him too. I slowly ran my hand up and down through the fabric of his sweatpants. He placed his hands on either side of me, caging me in, making me feel like we were the only two people in the world.

  He groaned as I tightened my fingers. "What do you want, baby? Because you're about five seconds away from being bent over this counter and fucked until you can't walk."

  I gulped. Yes, please.

  "Tell me exactly what you want. Tell me what will make you happy."

  For a second I thought that question might have a bigger meaning. But the look in his eyes was solely one of desire. He wanted me screaming his name. God, I wanted that too.

  "I want you to fuck me like I'm in your office at the University of New Castle. Like we could get caught at any second. I want to feel you lose control, Professor Hunter." Just calling him that made my heart race.

  There was a twinkle in his eye as he raised his left eyebrow. "The threat of getting caught is real. I'm going to have you screaming so loudly that you'll probably wake Scarlett."

  I laughed. "Well, don't..." My words caught in my throat as he pulled me off the counter. The look in his eyes was dead serious.

  He put his hand on the side of my neck, a little tighter than a normal caress. I could feel my pulse against his palm. It was electrifying. I liked when he was rough with me. But he rarely ever was when I was pregnant.

  "Turn around and place your hands on the counter, Miss Taylor."

  He didn't have to tell me twice. I turned and pressed my hands against the cool granite.

  He nudged my legs apart with his knee.

  "Penny, you're dripping wet for me." He ran his fingers along the inside of my thigh and I could feel the moisture. "Have you been dreaming about this moment?"

  "Every day." I arched my back, making my robe slip off my shoulders.

  "Hmm." He gently bit the skin at the top of my shoulder blade.

  "Have you?" I wasn't sure why I needed to hear him say it. Clearly he wanted this as much as I did.

  His fingertips trailed up the back of my legs, pushing the silk up so he could cup my ass cheeks. "I dream of more than that, Miss Taylor. I want you to take my last name. I want to put my babies inside of you. I want to grow old with you. You want to relive a moment from our past. But you don't even know what was going through my head when I fucked you for the first time."

  I wanted to laugh, but I was too turned on to think about anything but his hands on my ass. "You said it was a one time thing."

  "Oh, baby." His fingertips dug into my hips. "It made you come back for more, didn't it?" He thrust himself inside of me with one movement.

  Jesus. His fingers and tongue could never quite prepare me for his cock. But I loved the feeling of him stretching me wide. It was hard to think about his words. Had he really known? Had he known the whole time what he wanted from me?

  We'd never really be able to go back to that moment. Yes, he was fucking me. But there was love in each stroke too. Love underlined everything we did.

  His hands slid up my waist and grabbed my breasts. "Every fucking inch of you is perfect," he said as his thumbs and index fingers gently pinched my nipples.

  "James," I moaned.

  "Oh, no, Miss Taylor." He pinched my nipples even harder. "I don't believe we're on a first name basis yet. What are you going to scream when you come?"

  "Professor Hunter," I panted.

  "Scream it when you come, baby. Let everyone know how fucking wrong this is. How much you enjoy breaking the rules. How all you dream about is my cock deep inside of you."

  "Professor Hunter!" I shattered around him as I felt his warmth spread up into me. I felt his naked
chest against my back. His hands slid to my stomach. He placed a kiss on the top of my spine.

  I shuddered once more and he groaned.

  "Hearing you call me that still gets me so hard."

  "Even when I'm as big as an elephant?" I didn't need to ask the question. He was still as hard as a rock and he had just cum.

  He kissed the back of my neck. "I wasn't lying when I said I liked you pregnant. And guess what the best part is?"

  I laughed and he groaned again.

  "What?" I asked and peered at him over my shoulder.

  "That there isn't a doubt in anyone's mind that you're mine. When they see this," he said as he ran his palm along my stomach again. "Everyone knows you're completely off limits."

  "I have a ring for that."

  "Hmm." He pulled out of me. "That's not quite the same."

  I instantly felt an emptiness. It was like I never truly felt complete unless our bodies were intertwined.

  "Now, my beautiful wife, let me show you how fucking right you and I actually are." He scooped me up into his arms.

  I clasped my hands behind his neck. "What did you have in mind?"

  "There's at least six hours before Scarlett wakes us up," he said as he carried me to the stairs.

  "You have work in the morning."

  "And you need my undivided attention for a few hours. But maybe not quite as much as I need yours." He smiled down at me. Any lingering sleepiness was gone from his face. That empty feeling was about to be extinguished. Maybe a couple more times.

  Chapter 14

  Wednesday

  I closed the lid of my suitcase. James would be home any minute. I touched the center of my chest. All I needed to do was go to this appointment and get the all clear. Then I could focus on Bee's bachelorette party. We were leaving at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning. Separate cars so that we'd have a little girl time before meeting the guys at the beach. It was going to be so much fun. And I was beyond excited for their wedding on Saturday. I had been waiting for years for Bee and Mason to tie the knot.

  My phone buzzed and I lifted it off the bed. There was a text from James. I clicked on it.

  "We just pulled into the garage. We should probably get going if we're going to make the appointment on time."

  I laughed and slid my phone into my purse. That was his nice way of saying, "get your ass down here or we're going to be late." I made my way down the stairs. The house was too quiet today. Scarlett had insisted on going to the park and Ellen had insisted that I wasn't allowed to accompany them. She usually tended to agree with James.

  I stepped onto the elevator and watched the doors close. The day alone had given me time to read through my rough draft for my second book. And our heated night made it easy for the words to flow. I was pretty sure all the scenes with him were perfect. It was the moments with Tyler that were tripping me up. Picturing him in his Wesley costume on Halloween put this feeling of guilt in my stomach. And my son could feel it. It was as though he was trying to kick it out of me.

  I needed to talk to Hails. That's what was bothering me. I'd be hanging out with her all day tomorrow. Certainly I could smooth things over. But maybe she wasn't even upset about that. We had never talked about my past with Tyler. She had always seemed cool about it. Was there something else bothering her? I tried to shake away the thought. The last thing I needed before going to the cardiologist was to get upset.

  Breathe in. Breathe out. "Hi, William," I said as I walked up to the car. "How has your day been?"

  "Very good, Mrs. Hunter." He bowed slightly as he opened up the door.

  Had I just imagined him doing that? Our relationship or lack thereof was really starting to bother me. "You really can just call me Penny. Did James torture you all day?"

  "Not at all, ma'am." He sounded slightly offended.

  Ma'am? I wasn't seventy years old. If anything, I should have been the one that was offended. I stepped into the car and slid next to James in the back seat. The door closed behind me.

  "Stop terrorizing him," James said with a smile.

  "I'm trying to get to know him. How was class?"

  "Good." He kissed my temple as he pulled me into his side. "Although, I was pretty tired all day."

  "A sex marathon will do that to you."

  He laughed and rested the back of his head against the seat.

  "Are you okay?" He really did look exhausted.

  "I've just been worried about this appointment all week."

  "I'm sure the doctor will say there hasn't been any change." I rested my head on his shoulder. "How did the board meeting go this afternoon?" Rob had taken over as CEO of Hunter Tech. James still remained on the board, though. The company was still his baby, but he was happier teaching. Plus his blood pressure was back in the normal range now. His days of barking orders were over. And I was happier because of it too. He smiled more now. He was more relaxed grading papers and giving lectures. It helped that the university was crazy flexible with his hours. James was only teaching two classes this summer. He had even given a few lectures via video chat from bed. Those were my favorite mornings.

  "The rollout is still on schedule. I think the board is still getting used to Rob's sense of humor, though."

  "Why do you say that? Did Rob say something and hear crickets?"

  "More like gasps. Today he said the launch was going to be as big as his dick."

  I laughed. "Wait...you're not serious?"

  "You've met my brother, right? He comes up to about here," he said and put his hand against his nose. "The one with no filter and the overtly sexual phrases?"

  I shook my head and laughed again. "I'm still having trouble picturing him in a suit and tie all day. But I kind of just assumed he'd tone it down at work."

  "I think the board secretly loves him. Besides, our client list is growing faster than ever. Everyone finds him super relatable, I guess."

  "He's probably talking mostly to guys then."

  "Or flirting with the ladies."

  I lightly slapped James' arm. "Is that what you did? You grew your companies by schmoozing rich women?"

  "A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do."

  I rolled my eyes. "Fortunately for both of us, you're out of the game."

  "Speaking of that, I may need to go to London for a few days. There's a deal that we really need to land. Rob's been flitting around with it for months. So I think it's best if I handle this one in person."

  "When do you have to go?"

  "Right after the wedding."

  "Oh." I wasn't sure why, but I felt disappointed. Weddings were so romantic. I was hoping to spend a few days after the wedding with my head in the clouds. It was hard to do that when he was gone. I hated when he traveled. Scarlett did too. She always cried when he didn't tuck her into bed.

  "It's just for a couple of days." He kissed my temple again.

  The good I could draw from this was that James must not be too worried about my appointment today. If he was seriously concerned, he wouldn't be flying across the ocean in a few days. I took another slow, deep breath. That was good news.

  The car pulled to a stop outside the high rise where my doctor's office was located. A minute later, William was helping me out of the car. Stay calm. This would all be over in about an hour.

  ***

  "Okay, good news and bad news. What'll it be first?" Dr. Wells said as he scooted a chair over to me. His gray hair gave him a distinguished look. He had been doing this for over thirty years.

  I bit the inside of my lip. I was going to believe whatever he was about to say. And I was terrified about what the bad news was.

  James squeezed my hand.

  "Let's just rip the Band-Aid off," I said.

  "That's the spirit." Dr. Wells adjusted his glasses and looked down at his clipboard. "Your leak has progressed ever so slightly. Unnoticeable if it weren't for the echocardiogram. Despite your concerns, James, I truly believe that your OB-GYN wouldn't have been able to detect it
with just a stethoscope."

  "But shouldn't he have at least been a tiny bit alarmed?" James said. "Penny was having chest pains and he completely dismissed the possibility that something was actually wrong."

  Dr. Wells nodded. "I understand. Us doctors all like to think we're right." He winked at me. "It is unusual to feel pain due to a murmur. It could have been a wide variety of things causing it. Your OB-GYN specializes in deliveries. I'm sure he's highly qualified in his profession."

  I didn't care about Dr. Nelson right now and whether he was a good doctor. I wasn't even sure why we were discussing him. Dr. Wells had just said my leak had progressed and I really had no idea what that meant. "What do you mean that it progressed?"

  Dr. Wells settled the notebook in his lap. "It's just a small amount, Penny. I'd probably classify the murmur as moderate to severe now. Somewhere in between the two classifications."

  "That's bad, right?" Just talking about this made my chest hurt again.

  "No, not necessarily. This baby is putting extra stress on your heart right now. I have every reason to believe the murmur will go back to being moderate after the birth."

  "Before you said that it might go back to being mild after the delivery," James said.

  Dr. Wells nodded and adjusted his glasses again. "This is something we're going to have to continue to monitor. But usually murmurs of this severity don't just disappear on their own. As long as you're not experiencing shortness of breath or any swelling in your legs and feet, your heart is working perfectly fine."

  "When you say they don't disappear on their own, what do you mean by that?" James asked. "You mentioned before that if it got any worse she'd need surgical intervention."

  "She'll live a long healthy life. Yes, a medical procedure may be in her future. But advancements in this area are astounding. By the time we need to surgically repair or replace the valve, we'll be looking at something a lot less invasive than open heart surgery."

  For some reason my mind focused on the words, "open heart surgery." My mouth felt dry.

  "The good news is, you're already on bed rest. So the odds of it progressing any further are very slim. I'd recommend staying off your feet as much as possible. We'll reevaluate your condition after your baby is born. Hopefully everything will go back to normal and you won't have to see my face anymore." He laughed at his own joke.