Single Girl Rules #ThreeHeadedMonster Read online

  Single Girl Rules #ThreeHeadedMonster

  Single Girl Rules Book 3

  By Ivy Smoak

  Copyright 2022 Ivy Smoak

  All Rights Reserved

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  CONTENTS

  Title

  Single Girl Rule #3

  Chapter 1 - Here He Comes!

  Chapter 2 - The Shower Pervert

  Chapter 3 - #WorstPositionEver

  Chapter 4 - A Pure Display of Masculine Power and Agility

  Chapter 5 - The Three Headed Monster

  Chapter 6 - General Orville Thunderstick III

  Chapter 7 - Yes, Daddy

  Chapter 8 - A Heinous Act

  Chapter 9 - Yummy Waiter Man

  Chapter 10 - Piña Cumlada

  Chapter 11 - A Classic Double Virgin

  Chapter 12 - Womp Womp

  Chapter 13 - Pass or Play

  Chapter 14 - The Whole Quartet

  Chapter 15 - My Dicks in Twos

  Chapter 16 - Carousel of Cock

  Chapter 17 - Cumshot on Three!

  Chapter 18 - Elite Cousins F

  Epilogue - Kidnapped!?

  Membership Cards

  A Note From Ivy

  Single Girl Rule #3

  Never let a friend go into a bathroom alone.

  Chapter 1 - Here He Comes!

  Saturday, Sept 14, 2013

  I awoke to the sound of weird mouth noises.

  Is Ash blowing one of my bodyguards?

  She had really come out of her shell last night so it wouldn’t surprise me that much. But no, she was just moving her mouth around and rubbing her jaw.

  “What are you doing?” I asked as I shielded my eyes from the morning sun streaming into our dorm.

  She wiggled her jaw again and shot an angry look at the loaf of banana bread on her nightstand. “Can you get tetanus from banana bread? My jaw hurts like hell. And my face feels…stiff.”

  “No, it’s not tetanus. It’s just a sign that you threw me the best bachelorette party ever.”

  She looked confused. “How is this the sign of a good bachelorette party? Did we have an epic food fight that I’m somehow forgetting? Because it feels like I smeared a banana all over my face.”

  “That’s a nice PG-13 way to sum up what happened,” I said with a laugh. And then I rubbed my jaw too. “Ow. I forgot how much this hurts. It’s been forever since I got cockjaw.”

  “Lockjaw?” gasped Ash. “I thought you said it wasn’t tetanus!”

  “No, silly. Cockjaw. As in…when your jaw hurts from sucking too many cocks.”

  Ash stared at me for a good five seconds. And then she laughed. “Oh my God,” she said between laughs. “For a second I thought you were being serious.”

  “Girl, don’t pretend like you don’t remember sucking off those strippers last night. You were amazing!”

  Ash laughed again.

  Is she still drunk?

  “I’m gonna go shower,” she said. “My face is gonna be a mess if I don’t scrub this banana off ASAP. You know how sensitive my skin is.”

  A good face-full of cum always had me glowing the next day. But Ash did have unusually sensitive skin. Whenever we did something new, or talked to strangers, or were anywhere near hot guys her face always turned bright red. I had no idea what caused it.

  She grabbed her towel and stepped around a plate of banana bread. “And if you clean up, save a little banana bread. I need to send a sample to a lab to test for tetanus. I had a feeling one of those bananas had turned…”

  I nodded. But I’d stopped listening after the bit about “If you clean up.” What kind of basic bitch would clean up after their own bachelorette party? Or…ever? I had men for that. I was honestly a little surprised that getting males to clean for you wasn’t a Single Girl Rule.

  Speaking of which…

  I pulled out my list of the Single Girl Rules and scanned down them.

  Rule #1: Boys are replaceable, friends are forever.

  Check. Ash and I were besties. No boys would ever get between us.

  Rule #2: Girls’ night is every Friday. No exceptions.

  It would take a lifetime to truly check this one off. But my bachelorette party last night had been the most epic first girls’ night ever. So until next Friday rolled around, Rule #2 was complete.

  Rule #3: Never let a friend go into a bathroom alone.

  Hmm… Most of the Single Girl Rules made perfect sense. But this one… This one was a real head-scratcher.

  “Teddybear!” I yelled.

  He cracked the door and poked his head in. “Yes?”

  “I need your help.”

  “Of course.” He licked his lips to moisten them and then got on his knees by my bed.

  “I like the way you think. But that will have to wait. My mind is too preoccupied by a most unsolvable quandary.”

  “Oh.” He stood up, looking rather disappointed. “If you need help with calculus, you’ll have to wait for Ghost to return with breakfast.”

  I laughed. Why in the world would I still be learning calculus? I was a freshman in college, not a sixth-grader. “It’s Single Girl Rule #3: Never let a friend go into a bathroom alone. What could that possibly mean?”

  “That’s just classic girl code.”

  I stared at him.

  “You know… To protect each other from being raped. Or kidnapped. You of all people should understand that quite well after last night.”

  I shook my head. “You’re starting to sound like Ghost with all this kidnapping talk. But the Single Girl Rules wouldn’t include such a dark and gloomy rule. They’re about living your best life. Not living in fear.”

  “Then maybe it’s in there because the bathroom is a perfect place to gossip about guys. Or to help each other fix your makeup?”

  “Well now you’re just being ridiculous. Because there’s nothing to gossip about until you’ve run off to bang a hot stud in the bathroom. Same goes for makeup. Why fix it if a delicious cumshot hasn’t ruined it yet?”

  “In that case, maybe it’s just a really roundabout way for the rules to suggest that you spice it up and bang guys in more unique locations. And then you can run to the bathroom after to talk about it.”

  “Oooh. So it’s saying to have more sex in public? I freaking love that.” My mind started spinning with all the best public sex places on campus. “Oooh. Tonight you should bend me over that adorable little fountain on the green.”

  His eyes lit up. But then his face fell. “I’m not sure Chad would appreciate that.”

  “What does he have against fountains? I guess we could do it in a lecture hall instead. Oh! Like we were teaching a sex position class. Now that would be a class worth attending. Unlike English.”

  “It wasn’t the fountain that I thought Chad would take issue with.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “He’s your boyfriend.”

  “And…?” I asked.

  “And he’d be pissed if you cheated on him.”

  “Who said anything about cheating? It’s not like I’m going to fire you and take you out to a romantic dinner first.”

  “Is that what it would take to make it cheating?”

  “Yes. Well, maybe. It would still be a kind of a gray area since Chad would get to watch. And I have some hall passes that I could use. AND I’d obviously ask Chad to fuck me against the fountain first. But I alre
ady know he’d pass.”

  Teddybear looked shocked. “How could he possibly say no to that? Sounds like someone has a bad case of stage fright.”

  “Hmmm…kinda. What’s the opposite of that?”

  “Premature ejaculation in public?”

  “There’s gotta be a more elegant name for it. But yeah, that’s about right. It happened once and now he’s super scared to try it again.” I pulled out my phone and texted Chad: “Hey babe! Wanna bend me over the fountain on the green tonight?”

  He texted back a second later. “God, I love when you tell me exactly what you want. But I’ll have to take a raincheck. I already have plans for us tonight.”

  “See?” I said, showing the text to Teddybear. “He’s too scared.”

  I quickly texted Chad back: “Well whenever you get back here, come right in. The door is unlocked. I need to hear all about your sexy plans for us tonight.” And once I found out, I’d make them better. Sometimes Chad made the worst plans. Nothing I couldn’t fix though.

  I looked back up at Teddybear. “It’s ironic how Chad just complimented my directness immediately before acting like a little bitch and not fessing up to being scared.” Then something clicked. “Wait a second! We’ve got Rule #3 all wrong!”

  “Huh?”

  “The rules are as direct as I am. And they certainly aren’t shy about sex. If Rule #3 was about public sex, it would say it. Thus we have it all wrong.”

  “Damn, you’re right. But I still think we should try that fountain thing.”

  I pushed his arm. “Teddybear! You’re so bad. I have a boyfriend!”

  “But…”

  “Maybe you could do it with Ash instead. She’s single and definitely ready to mingle. You should have seen her sucking off those strippers last night. Girl has skills.”

  “I don’t think Ash…”

  “Shhh.” I put my finger to his lips. “I think I figured out Rule #3!”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. Look at rules 1 and 2. They’re all about friends. Rule #1 comes right out and says that friends are forever. And Rule #2 is all about making time for your friends.”

  “Right. Which is why I guessed that it’s about protecting your friends from rape. Or gossiping with them. Or doing makeup together.”

  I laughed. “No, no, no. Rule #3 is about helping your friends get laid. If you see a friend going to the bathroom alone, send a hot stud in after them to fuck their brains out. It makes perfect sense!”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life. I can’t wait to go tell Ash.” I grabbed my towel and started for the door. “Wait a second! Ash is in the bathroom right now. Alone. Which means I need to send her a hot stud.” I stared at Teddybear, but he didn’t move.

  “Why are you staring at me like that?”

  “Did you not hear what I just said?”

  “That you need to send Ash a stud.”

  “Right. So why are you still sitting in this room when you should be railing my bestie against the shower wall?” God, Ash was going to love this. The things Teddybear could do with his tongue…he had to be shared.

  His eyes got big. “You want me to fuck Ash? Because a week ago you blackmailed me and Ghost to make us back off because our presence was scaring her.”

  “I thought you were scaring her. But I had it all wrong. You two watching her change was making her so horny. The poor girl must have been going to class every day with her panties completely soaked.”

  Teddybear stood up a little straighter. “Really?”

  “Yup. Now let’s hurry before she’s done her shower.” I pulled him down the hall to the women’s restroom. The shower was still going. Perfect!

  “Ready?” I whispered to Teddybear.

  “You really think this is a good idea?” he asked.

  “When have I ever been wrong about anything?”

  “Never?”

  “Exactly. Now take your clothes off.” I stood back and admired his chiseled body as he stripped off his tight T-shirt and slacks. It was so tempting to just bring him into the shower with me for our usual morning routine. But today I had to share.

  I grabbed his cock the second it was out of his boxer briefs. My other hand ran up his sixpack and wrapped behind the back of his neck. And then I pulled his head down until his ear was right by my lips.

  “You ready to fuck my bestie?” I whispered, letting my lips brush against his ear. He stiffened in my hand. “I bet you’ve dreamt about sinking your hands into her red hair as she bobs up and down on your cock.” I lightly bit his earlobe and he groaned. “Or are you just gonna grab her tiny little waist and fuck her against the cold tiles?” I would have kept going, but I didn’t want him to burst in my hand.

  I let go of him and knocked on the shower door.

  “Present,” yelled Ash at the top of her lungs.

  Present? “Ash, it’s me. I have a surprise for you.”

  “A surprise? What kind of surprise?”

  “It’s a surprise. Open up.”

  “Just toss it over the door.”

  Odd request. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay… It’s coming over in three…” I knelt down and put my hands together to form a step for Teddybear.

  “I really don’t know if this is a good idea,” he whispered. “She seems a little jumpy.”

  “Trust me. It’ll be fine.”

  He hesitantly stepped onto my hand and I leaned forward to make sure his throbbing cock hit me in the face. Ash was a lucky girl this morning.

  “Two…”

  Teddybear grabbed the top of the shower door and got ready to hoist himself up.

  “One! Here he comes!”

  I pushed my hands up to give Teddybear a little extra oomph. But I may have underestimated the force that he was already exerting to get himself up, because my extra oomph sent him hurtling over the door into the shower.

  Chapter 2 - The Shower Pervert

  Saturday, Sept 14, 2013

  “AHHHHHHHHHH!” screamed Ash. I’d never heard something so ear piercing. The shower door flew open and Ash ran out, full nude and still screaming at the top of her lungs. A second later she was out of the bathroom, but I could still hear her screaming down the hall.

  “Ow,” muttered Teddybear as he tenderly held his junk.

  I looked back and forth between him and the bathroom door. “I think your over-the-shower-door entry might have been a tad aggressive. Thoughts?”

  He groaned.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Her knees are so bony.”

  “Well what were you doing with her knees? No wonder she was so freaked out! Next time start with her tits, you pervert.”

  “She kneed me.”

  “And deservedly so. Seriously, dude. You can’t just go grabbing at a girls’ knees all willy-nilly. That’s a very delicate area. Do you know how long it takes to heal an ACL?”

  “I didn’t go for her knees!”

  “I know.” I stifled a laugh. “I’m just messing with you. This one is totes on me. And to make up for it, I’ll let you bend me over the fountain sometime.”

  His eyes lit up.

  “But maybe not tonight, because it sounds like Chad has something planned. And I might have to take Ash to therapy. I don’t want her to freak out when we try this again tomorrow morning.”

  “What?!”

  “Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll let Ash know this was a Single Girl Rule thing, so she’ll understand. Maybe wait a bit before you come back to the room though so she has time to calm down. But don’t take too long, because there’s a shit ton of banana stuff you need to clean up.” I spun on my heel and walked out of the bathroom.

  I couldn’t wait to explain what happened to Ash. She was gonna think it was hilarious. But in the meantime…I had a feeling that it would be smart to enter the room very slowly. Actually, entering at all would probably be a bad idea. A gentle
knock accompanied by a note passed under the door would probably be the safest approach. Because even though Ash appeared sweet and innocent, I knew that deep down she was a feisty bitch.

  Which meant that things were about to go very badly for whoever was at our door.

  Chad?

  “Chad!” I called. But it was a second too late.

  He opened the door and walked in.

  Ash screamed, “DIE, PERVERT!!!!!!”

  Chad covered his face and screamed louder. And much much higher pitched. And then he ran out of the room and face first into the wall across the hall.

  I ran over and got there just in time to prevent Ash from jumping on him.

  “Chastity!” she yelled. “Be careful! He’s a filthy shower pervert.” She held up pepper spray in one hand and a loaf of banana bread in the other in a very threatening manner.

  “Whoa,” I said. “Put the banana bread down. And the pepper spray. It’s just Chad.”

  “Your boyfriend?”

  I nodded my head. “You’ve met him before. And he’s not the shower pervert.”

  Chad was hunched over in a ball crying. But I was pretty sure he was fine. I’d pepper sprayed tons of guys. It didn’t kill them or anything.

  Ash looked back and forth between us. “Hmm…you’re right. The shower pervert was naked.” Then she squinted at me. “And wait a second. You were there too. And you said something about having a surprise for me.”

  “So…funny story. The shower pervert was Teddybear. And I was the one who put him up to it. But I promise it came from a good place.”

  “Chastity! Why on Earth would you do that?”

  “Rule #3: Never let a friend go into a bathroom alone. Teddybear and I were talking and we figured out that it means you should always send a hot stud into the bathroom if your friend goes in alone.”

  “Wow. That is definitely not what Rule #3 means. It’s so no one gets kidnapped. Or…worse.”

  “It’s open to debate.”

  Ash shook her head and looked over at Chad. He was still curled up on the ground holding his eyes. “Chad, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to attack you. I thought you were a deranged pervert.”

  “Well you’re right about him being a pervert,” I said. “He should really learn not to barge into women’s rooms unannounced.”