Single Girl Rules #BFF Read online

  Single Girl Rules #BFF

  Single Girl Rules Book 1

  By Ivy Smoak

  Copyright 2021 Ivy Smoak

  All Rights Reserved

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  CONTENTS

  Single Girl Rule #1

  Prologue - Runaway Bride

  Chapter 1 - A Shag in the Library

  Chapter 2 - Tits Love Meat

  Chapter 3 - Sexy Twins Gambit

  Chapter 4 - Road Head

  Chapter 5 - Setting the Trap

  Chapter 6 - Seduction Blackmail

  Chapter 7 - Toodles

  Epilogue - Blasphemy

  A Note From Ivy

  Single Girl Rule #1

  Boys are replaceable. Friends are forever.

  Prologue - Runaway Bride

  Saturday - Oct 10, 2026

  The hairdresser stepped back to admire her work. “What do you think?”

  After hours of sitting around in curlers and drinking mimosas…I was feeling more than a little buzzed. I thought I looked damn good. But before I could answer her, my wedding planner, Justin, strutted into the room.

  He took one look at me and smiled. “Chastity, you are the picture of perfection.”

  “Yeah, bitch, I know.”

  He laughed. “Pictures start in thirty minutes. We need to get you into your dress. And where is Ash?”

  “In here,” Ash said from the adjoining restroom.

  “Well, come out,” Justin said. “We need to make sure it fits okay. Time is ticking, ladies!”

  Ash groaned and stepped out in her hideous bridesmaid dress.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. It was truly awful. I didn’t even want such a monstrosity in my wedding pictures. But payback was a bitch. And you should have seen what she’d made me wear at her first wedding. That sly whore tried to make up for it at her second wedding, but we were still not even.

  “That dress is…fitted,” Justin said. It was pretty much the only nice thing to say. It was freaking terrible. But it did fit her well.

  “Stop laughing at me,” Ash said and glared at me. “I’m going to kill you.”

  I shook my head. “You say that to me all the time. And yet…here I am alive and well on my wedding day!” I lifted my champagne glass in the air. “Ah, I’m getting married!” I stood up and wobbled a little in my heels. Definitely too many mimosas. I quickly downed the one in my hand and handed it to my hairdresser.

  “Come over here,” I said and grabbed Ash. “We need a picture right now.”

  “I’ve got you,” Justin said. He snapped a picture of Ash looking terrible and me looking like a queen in my satin robe and high heels. God, this really was the best day of my life.

  Justin and Ash worked together to get me into my dress.

  “I can’t believe I’m actually getting married,” I said and stared into the mirror. Ash’s dress was a taffeta nightmare. But my wedding dress was more of a dream. Actually, that was almost exactly what I said when I’d first put it on. A risqué dream. The v-neckline dipped way too low. And there were way too many sheer parts. And it was way too tight. Way too everything. Or at least…that was what everyone told me. They were totes wrong, though. It was perfect. And it was so easy to picture the layers spread out all around me on the floor as I sat on my soon-to-be husband’s face tonight. That’s right - he was a giver.

  “You look simply radiant,” Justin said.

  Ash sniffled. “You really do. You’re the most beautiful bride ever.”

  “Don’t cry!” I said. “You’re going to make me cry!”

  “No one cry!” Justin snapped. “I swear if I see one tear I’m going to make you get all your makeup redone. We will have no tearstained cheeks in these photos, people!” The walkie-talkie on his hip started going off. “Wedding planner duties are calling! Don’t smudge your makeup, or I swear to God…”

  Chastity laughed as Justin ran out of the room.

  Ash sighed. “I’m so happy for you. And your fiancé is going to die when he sees you walk down the aisle. You two are perfect together.”

  We really were. He was every dream of mine come true. I wouldn’t just give up the single girl life for anyone. “Oh my God.” I grabbed Ash’s arm.

  “What? Are you okay?”

  “No! The Single Girl Rules!”

  Ash just stared at me. “Right. I’m so glad you’re going to be done with those. Goodbye and good riddance.”

  “No!”

  “No what? You’re going to be married. You can’t do that crazy stuff anymore. It’s completely inappropriate.”

  “I know that. I meant ‘no’ as in fucking no! How could I forget? I’ve been so busy with last-minute wedding details that I didn’t give the rules back! This is a disaster! We need to leave right this second!”

  “Um…” Ash stared at me in my wedding dress. “Chasity, we can’t go anywhere. We’re taking pictures before the ceremony. We’re supposed to be out in the gardens in like half an hour.”

  “Did you not hear what I just said? This is an emergency! A 911 situation. I have to put the Single Girl Rules back right freaking now.” I lifted the hem of my dress, ready to make a run for it.

  “Back where? Cut it out, Chastity. We both know you made up those rules.”

  “I did not! How many times do I have to tell you this? The rules came to me when I needed them most, and now I have to put them back for someone else to find. Come on.” I grabbed Ash’s hand and pulled her out of the wedding suite.

  “Slow down!” called Ash. “I can’t run in these stupid shoes.

  Her shoes were as dumb as her dress. But she should have thought about that when she’d made me wear one-inch pumps to her first wedding. One-inch. What was I…80 years old? I’d paid her back by giving her six-inch heels because she was bad at walking in them. I loved being a bridezilla. It suited me.

  I pulled her down a hallway and put my back against a wall so no one could see us.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Shh!” I hissed. “We’re making a getaway.”

  “Oh. So you are having cold feet? I get it. I’m a little relieved. I know I said you two were perfect for each other, but he is a little weird.”

  “Excuse you? I’m not having cold feet. I’m going back to college.” I slowly peered around the corner to see if the coast was clear.

  “I’m pretty sure that’s cold feet. And we can’t go to Newark right now. We’ll miss the whole wedding. It’s over a two-hour drive…”

  “That’s why we’re taking my perfect soon-to-be husband’s helicopter. Now stop saying insane stuff and let’s make a run for it!” Okay, fine. I know I sounded insane. But this was important. I wasn’t going to be a single girl anymore. And it went against the whole principle of the Single Girl Rules to hoard them from other single girls.

  I grabbed Ash’s hand and we made a run for it. We made it out of the mansion and into the gardens without being spotted. Everyone else was still either getting ready or setting up for the ceremony inside. It was the perfect getaway.

  Or not. Because Justin had just burst out the doors of the mansion.

  “Where are you going?!” he yelled from behind us.

  “The Single Girl Rules!” I yelled back to him.

  “What the hell are you talking about?!”

  I’d always thought Justin was so cool. How did he not know about the Single Girl Rules? #Lame. “I’ll be back before the ceremony!”

  “Don’t you
runaway-bride me, missy!”

  “I’m not!”

  “Don’t you dare get in that helicopter!” he screamed

  Too late. Luckily the helicopter was already here, ready to whisk me and shmoopie poo away to our honeymoon. We climbed in. “Go, go, go!”

  The pilot turned around. “Um. Where?”

  He was probably expecting me to yell ‘anywhere.’ But despite what everyone thought, I wasn’t a runaway bride. I was so excited to marry my shmoopie poo. But I just needed to do this one thing first.

  ***

  Everyone on campus stared at me as we made our way to the library. Or maybe they were staring at Ash’s hideous dress. I smiled to myself.

  “Justin has called me 17 times,” said Ash. “Just since we landed! We need to get back to the helicopter ASAP.”

  “Not until the Single Girl Rules are back in their rightful place.”

  “The ceremony starts in an hour!”

  “I know. And this is great practice for my walk down the aisle.” I smiled and waved at some rando as I did my graceful walk. I’d practiced it a thousand times.

  “Um…so…are we going to go back?”

  “We’re here!” I ran up the library steps.

  “That wasn’t an answer to my question!” Ash said as she hurried after me in her hooker heels.

  And I don’t mean that in a bad way. I think hookers are awesome and I totally respect their lifestyle. I’d met plenty of guys who’d thought I was a hooker. And I always took it as a compliment.

  “Why are we at the library?” asked Ash.

  “Shhh. Students are studying.”

  “No, they're all looking at you.”

  “Huh.” I held my head up even higher. Now that I thought about it, any guy here would totally bang me in this dress. Because not only did I look hot AF, but who didn’t want to be someone’s last shag before they got hitched? But alas…none of these guys looked hot enough. “This way.” I grabbed Ash’s hand and pulled her up the stairs.

  “Seriously, Chastity. We have to get back. Stop messing around. I’m starting to stress sweat and this taffeta shows everything.”

  “I know, it’s amazing.”

  “I hate you.”

  “No, you love me. And I’m not messing around.” I passed one aisle of books and then the next. Which aisle was it? I didn’t love the library. I’d rather reread Twilight than pick up some useless textbook. But this had always been a great place to fuck cute college boys. Speaking of which…the guy in the military history aisle was totally eye-fucking me. And I could just tell he had a big cock. Probably at least 8 inches. Maybe more.

  “Don’t do whatever you’re thinking about doing,” said Ash.

  “What am I thinking about doing?”

  “Fucking that guy.”

  “Wrong! It would be too complicated in this dress to fuck him. I was thinking about blowing him.”

  “There’s no time for that!”

  “But I’ll be so quick about it. I can totes make him cum in like 2 minutes flat. #NoGagReflex.”

  Ash stared at me.

  “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not being bad!”

  “Yes you are! It’s the day of your wedding and you’re thinking about blowing some rando.”

  “Exactly. It’s the day of my wedding. As in…my wedding hasn’t happened yet. As in, I’m still a single girl. And thus the Single Girl Rules still apply to me.”

  “Can we please just find this shelf and then get back to the wedding? You know what being late does to me!”

  Hmmm… She had a point. She got so weird when she was going to be late. It was one of her greatest fears. And as much as I wanted to torture her for what she’d made me wear at her first wedding, I wasn’t that cruel. And anyway…I was about to get all the cock I needed on my honeymoon.

  I scanned the aisles. Seriously…what the hell had they done when they remodeled this place? Did these basic bitches know nothing about the Dewey Decimal System? Ah! There it is! I yanked Ash into the Russian literature section.

  “What the actual fuck is happening right now?” she asked.

  I stopped at the third shelf and scanned the spines for… “I got it!” I pulled out the book with the gold edges and maroon cover. I couldn’t read a single word in Russian. But one day I’d wandered down this abandoned aisle to make out with some jock. We’d knocked this book off the shelf during our hot make-out sesh. And there the Single Girl Rules were in all their glory. “This is where I found them.” I held up the book.

  “Right. The whole you-found-them-while-making-out-with-some-hot-jock story. I remember.”

  “Then why don’t you believe me?”

  “Because you made the Single Girl Rules up!”

  “I did not.” I’d never shown the original document to Ash. It was too precious to show to anyone, even to my bestie. But now that I was putting them back, it was time for her to see the rules in all their glory. I lifted up my skirt.

  “Stop it! You’re going to get us arrested for real this time.”

  “I’m not stripping. Why do you always shame strippers, anyway? Single Girl Rule #10…”

  “I know. Rule #10: All celebrations of important life events must involve strippers. I freaking hate that rule.”

  “You’re not going to like a few things at the wedding then.” I lifted my skirt higher and pulled the folded-up piece of paper out of my garter. I’d been putting it there for years. It’s where I held all my most sacred belongings. So…the Single Girl Rules and spare condoms. You never knew when you’d need an extra condom. Well, I kind of did. The answer was quite a bit. I was a big believer in one orgasm not being nearly enough. Our bodies were designed to have more than that. #OrgasmFacts.

  I unfolded the paper and showed it to Ash.

  “What the hell is that? Is that in Russian?”

  “Yup. The original Single Girl Rules were in Russian. It took a Russian exchange student a couple of days to translate them.”

  “That’s why you kept hanging out with Slavanka?”

  “Yeah. She was super cool.”

  “I thought you were trying to find a new best friend.”

  “What? Never. You’re my best friend, Ash. Always and forever.” I folded the original Single Girl Rules Russian edition back up and tucked it into the book. “I should probably leave the translated version with it, right? That’ll make things easier for the next single girl who finds them.” I pulled my Single Girl Rules membership card out of my bra and put it in the book too.

  “I can’t believe they’re actually real.” Ash looked…shook.

  “I told you. They’re a sacred tradition for single girls all over the world. It’s an international thing.”

  “But…how? All the rules are so…ridiculous.”

  “They’re not ridiculous at all! I mean just look at Rule #1: Boys are replaceable. Friends are Forever.”

  “Right. That one is normal. That’s pretty much the only normal one. And you even make that rule dirty.”

  She laughed. “I know. Do you remember that night when I first told you about the rules?” It was right after I’d gotten them translated. And I couldn’t wait to put them into action.

  “Chastity, your wedding starts in…” she looked at her phone. “40 minutes! We need to get back.”

  “Oh, I think we have some time to reminisce. We need to say goodbye to the Single Girl Rules in style.” I did jazz hands and gave Ash a little shimmy for effect.

  “Right, by getting your ass married.”

  “Nope. A montage. We need a montage!” I clapped my hands together.

  “You’re a crazy person.”

  “No. I’m a single girl. For another…38 minutes. Que the flashback scenes!”

  Ash laughed. “You’re going to go through all the rules, aren’t you?”

  “Is there any other way? It all started on a dark and stormy night…”

  “As fun as that sounds, you’re going to miss your wedding, Chastity. Maybe y
ou can reminisce on the helicopter.”

  “Shmoopie poo is amazing in every single way. That includes being a very patient man. He’d wait like ten lifetimes for me. And these flashbacks are important. They all led me to him. It’s basically the story of us. And of you and me! And of single girls all over the world!”

  “Okay fine. But make it quick.”

  “Yay montage time! Let’s do this damn thing! Where was I?” I cleared my throat. “It all started on a dark and stormy night… Wait! We have to go back even further. Because now that you believe the Single Girl Rules are real, you need to hear exactly how I found them.”

  “Chastity! You know I hate being late! I’m going to ruin this dress with gallons of sweat.”

  “On any other day I would love to make you run around fully nude, but not on my wedding day. I’m the star today! Now pop a squat and listen up. It actually all started on a bright and sunny morning…”

  Chapter 1 - A Shag in the Library

  13 Years Ago - Wednesday - Sept 4, 2013

  “Today’s going to be a great day!” I said as I pulled on my tightest mini-skirt. I twirled in front of the mirror and turned to my new roommate, Ash. “I can’t wait for classes to end so we can go out tonight.”

  “But it’s Wednesday.”

  “Yeah it is! Hump day!” I froze when my eyes registered her outfit. “What in the actual F are you wearing right now?”

  Ash looked down at her t-shirt that was two sizes too big and her baggy sweats. “My first class doesn’t start for another three hours.”

  “So you’ll change before that?”

  “Yes?”

  I put my hand on my hip. “That did not sound very convincing. Girl, you need to show some more skin if you want to find yourself a good bang for this weekend. Try this.” I tossed her my second favorite mini-skirt.

  She caught it but did not look very excited. “I’m here to study marketing, not bang randos all weekend.”

  I laughed. “All weekend? I like your style.”

  “I said I wasn’t going to bang guys all weekend.”