The Light to My Darkness Page 10

  I didn't really know what to say. I placed my hand on my stomach. It's okay little guy. We're going to be okay.

  "Should she be traveling at all?" James asked.

  I glanced at him. He never let me fly when I was pregnant anyway. Did he suddenly have an urge to let me come to London with him?

  "I'd recommend staying at home, Penny," Dr. Wells said. "The stress of travel isn't something I personally think is worth the risk."

  James nodded his head. "And our incompetent OB-GYN said he may have prescribed bed rest too soon. Do you have names of any OB-GYN's that you'd recommend?"

  "Why, certainly." He readjusted his glasses again. "My receptionist can give you a list of names. I've worked with all of them before. Top notch doctors."

  "Thank you, Dr. Wells," James said.

  "Did either of you have any other questions?"

  "No, I think that about covers it." James stood up, put his hand out for me, and pulled me to my feet.

  "Take it easy, Penny," Dr. Wells said. "And watch for any swelling or shortness of breath. You call me right away if you notice anything like that."

  I nodded and let James escort me out of the doctor's office. His hand was gripping mine a little tighter than usual. And I couldn't help but think that it was because he thought I was slipping away.

  Chapter 15

  Wednesday

  "But I don't want to stay with Grandpa. I want to come with you." Scarlett pulled on the hem of my dress to get my attention.

  I looked down at her cute little scowl. "I know, Scar. But Grandpa has all sorts of fun activities planned. You're going to have so much fun. Rumor has it he's taking you to the zoo." I reached down and picked up the sandals I had been searching everywhere for. Of course they were exactly where they should be in the closet. I had almost forgotten to pack them.

  "Hmph." Scarlett crossed her arms. "I don't want to go to the zoo. I want to come with you, Mommy." She plopped down in the middle of the closet in protest.

  "Scar, get up off the floor and we'll get your stuff ready to go to Grandpa's."

  "Mommy, please let me come with you!" She flopped backwards and spread her arms and legs out like she was about to make snow angels. But she stayed perfectly still like the thought of not coming with us had killed her.

  "What are you two doing?" James said. He was staring down at our daughter sprawled out on the floor.

  Scarlett immediately got up. "I'm helping Mommy pack. She said if I was good I could come with you."

  "Scarlett Hunter." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "What have we told you about lying?"

  She gave me the most innocent look. "I don't remember. Daddy, please let me come!" She ran over to James and wrapped her arms around his leg.

  "Pumpkin, why don't you go downstairs and help Ellen with dinner." He ruffled her hair.

  "If I do will you let me come?"

  "I'm going to give you to the count of ten to do as I asked," said James.

  "You're a mean daddy!" She ran out the door and her little feet could be heard sprinting down the stairs.

  James frowned and turned his attention back to me. At first I thought he was upset by what Scarlett had said. But he looked upset with me.

  "What's wrong? I had already told her no. We really need to talk to her about lying again." I walked past him and back into our bedroom. I tossed my sandals on my suitcase.

  "Penny, we discussed traveling with the doctor. I thought this was already settled. You're not going anywhere."

  I turned back toward him. "What?"

  "We're not going."

  "James." I laughed, because he must have been kidding. "I thought you were talking about London. Driving a few hours to the beach is hardly traveling."

  "We're. Not. Going."

  I swallowed hard. The way he said it was as condescending as it was sexy. But I was way more focused on the condescending aspect of his statement. "Yes we are. I'll be sitting down in the car. And sitting on the beach. It's practically bed rest."

  "I already called them and told them we couldn't come. This discussion is over."

  Like hell it is. "You canceled without asking me?"

  "The doctor said..."

  "James, I'm Bee's matron of honor! I have to be there." Why was he acting like this?

  "And you're my wife. What's more important to you?"

  How could he even ask me that? I swallowed down the lump in my throat. "So that's it? You want me to sit around for two months while you fly off to God knows where and abandon me?"

  He shook his head. "Jesus, Penny. I'll be gone for two days. Three tops. Why do you insist on pushing yourself? Why can't you just stay still for once?"

  Suddenly it felt like the weight of the world had fallen on my shoulders. Honestly, I wasn't upset about his tone. I knew he was doing it because he cared. I wasn't even upset that he had made the decision not to go without asking me. It was so much deeper than that. I blinked away my tears. "Because what if this is it, James?" My voice cracked. "What if I go into labor and the stress on my heart is too much and I die on that table?" I voiced my fears and hearing them out loud was so much worse than thinking about them in my head.

  He took a step toward me, but I held up my hand.

  "What if these are my last two months? Time doesn't stand still just because I have to."

  "Baby."

  "And I'm so scared about what'll happen once I'm gone. Everyone will forget about me. Scarlett won't even remember me, she's too young. All I have is a stupid book that no one wants to fucking read. That's my legacy."

  "Nothing is going to happen to you."

  "But what if it does?" I wiped my tears away with my hands. "You have to promise me you'll keep living. Promise me you'll keep your heart open."

  "No." He said it so matter-of-factly, I could have thought he was responding to a simple question about if he wanted Chinese food for dinner.

  "James." God, he was so exasperating. "Just promise me."

  He ignored my outstretched hand and pulled me into his arms. "No. I will never fall for someone new. You're it for me, Penny. You're everything. My heart will stop beating the second that yours does."

  "That's very romantic, but what about Scarlett? What about this baby? They'll be relying on you. You have a family that needs you."

  He shook his head.

  "Promise me, James."

  "I'm not going to make you a promise that I can't keep. I don't know how to live without you. So you're just going to have to keep living, baby. And that means no trip to the beach. It's not worth risking your health."

  "Fine. I'll agree to no bachelorette party. But you have to agree to my request too. Your heart will in fact keep beating once mine stops." I put my hand on the center of his chest. "And I'm asking you to please be willing to keep it open to love. Our kids will need you to smile and laugh and maybe, just maybe, find someone to share all that joy with."

  "No."

  "James!" For some reason his stubbornness made me start laughing. "Do you think I want to imagine you with another woman? The thought makes me feel sick to my stomach."

  "Good, me too."

  "You have to promise me." Now that I was smiling, I wasn't sure he was talking me seriously at all.

  "Absolutely not." He was smiling now too.

  "God, what am I going to do with you?" I ran my fingers down the collar of his dress shirt.

  He tilted his head down and ran the tip of his nose down the length of mine. "Does that mean we can stay here tomorrow?"

  Now he's asking. "You didn't agree to my demands."

  "Demands?" He cupped the side of my face in his hand. "Surely you can think of better demands than that."

  I laughed.

  "That one sound." He closed his eyes. "How can a sound be my favorite thing in the world?"

  "I love you, James."

  He opened his eyes again. "You're unforgettable, Penny. To me. To our daughter. To our family and friends. Nothing is going to happen to you.
But don't you ever think that if it did, we'd forget you."

  I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. I understood why he couldn't promise me he'd move on. I could still remember the feeling in my soul when I thought I was going to lose him. That was it. My heart would have stopped beating when his did. I truly believed that it was possible to meet someone so perfect for you that you could no longer exist without them. James was my heart. My soul. My everything.

  Chapter 16

  Thursday

  A light knocking on our bedroom door made me yawn. "James," I said and nudged him. "Who's at the door?"

  "What?" he grumbled.

  "James," Ellen said and knocked on the door again. "I hate to disturb you, but your brother is downstairs asking for you."

  James groaned and looked at the clock on his nightstand. "It's 5 o'clock in the morning. Why is Rob here so early?"

  "Do you think something is wrong?" I was about to sit up when James put his hand on top of my massive stomach.

  "I got it. He probably just wants to say goodbye before they head down to the beach. I'll go tell him to go away."

  I laughed and rolled onto my side in search of a cool spot on my pillow. I was just drifting back to sleep when I heard James clear his throat.

  "So, bad news," he said. "My dad came down with some kind of bug. And..."

  "Aunt Penny!" Sophie yelled and pulled on my hand that was hanging off of the bed.

  I opened up my eyes. "Hi, sweetie. What are you doing here?" I tapped the tip of her nose with my index finger.

  "My daddy said I get to spend all day and night here."

  "And we're going to go spend that time downstairs," James said and swooped Sophie up into his arms. "And we're going to be quiet so we don't wake anyone who's sleeping. Right, Soph?"

  Sophie giggled. It didn't look like she had any interest in listening to what he said.

  "Is your dad okay?" I asked as I pushed myself into a seated position. I yawned again. It had been awhile since I had woken up this early.

  "He'll be fine. Keep sleeping, baby, I've got this."

  I watched him walk out of the room with Sophie. I was still tired. Plus, Ellen was already here to help. I lay back down and closed my eyes.

  ***

  When I finally wandered downstairs, I followed all the noise into the family room. I smiled at the scene in front of me. Axel was standing on the couch repeatedly hitting James in the back of the head with a pillow, while James played the board game Pretty Pretty Princess with Scarlett and Sophie on the floor. James was decked out in a pink necklace, ring, and bracelet. Why he got stuck with the color pink was beyond me. It looked like Axel had played long enough just to snag the crown.

  I used to love that game when I was little. But I certainly couldn't remember my dad playing with me. "Are you the winning princess?" I asked Axel as I walked into the room.

  Axel scowled. "No. I'm the prince. They're the princesses."

  Scarlett was clipping on a pair of earrings. I was almost positive that it wasn't even her turn.

  "Axel won't play," she said. "He thinks it's a game just for girls. But Daddy's playing, so Axel is wrong."

  "I am not," Axel said, and whacked James on the back of the head again.

  "Okay, enough of that," James said. He turned and lifted Axel off the couch. "You get to choose what we play next, but right now we need to finish Pretty Pretty Princess. And it's your turn."

  He stuck his tongue out at Scarlett and then sat down next to her.

  "Here you go, Axel," Scarlett said and put a necklace over his head. "Now you're a beautiful princess."

  "I'm not a princess! I'm a boy!"

  "But my Daddy is playing and he's a boy."

  "That's different. He's a dad, not a boy."

  James and I both laughed. James looked up at me and smiled. He looked completely ridiculous decked out in his garish jewelry. But I wasn't sure I had ever seen him more handsome, jewels and all. Being a dad definitely didn't take the man out of James. It certainly took a level of confidence to willingly dress like a princess, and to me that exuded a level of sexiness that was hard to put into words.

  When no one was looking, Sophie grabbed a ring, the last piece of jewelry she was missing. "I win!" she shouted.

  "But it wasn't your turn," Scarlett said.

  "I'm the prettiest princess!" Sophie stood up and started to twirl around in circles.

  Scarlett folded her arms across her chest. It looked like she was about to cry.

  But then Axel leaned over and whispered something in her ear. Her frown was replaced by the biggest smile. She turned to Axel and kissed him on the cheek.

  "Ew!" Axel shouted. He rubbed his cheek where her lips had been, then got up and jumped back onto the couch, retrieving the pillow he had dropped earlier. He tossed it at Scarlett and then picked up another and slammed it against the back of James' head.

  "Okay, that's it. Princesses, attack the prince!" James said.

  Axel jumped off the back of the couch as everyone else grabbed pillows and chased after him.

  I ran my hand across my stomach and turned back toward the kitchen. We can join them as soon as you're out, baby boy. In the meantime, I was starving. I opened up the fridge and looked at the scarce remains. The kids must have ransacked it for breakfast. That was probably why Ellen was nowhere in sight. She handled our grocery shopping and there wasn't much she could make with the current contents of the fridge. I grabbed the bottle of orange juice and closed the fridge. I opened up the cupboard to grab a glass but my eyes landed on a banana instead. And a small note with James' handwriting on it:

  Saved this for you. Don't let Soph see you eating it. She was very upset that she couldn't have one. I had to pretend that this one was rotten.

  I smiled and picked up the banana and a glass. The perfect breakfast. Well, maybe not on a normal basis. But recently all I was craving was fruit. I quickly ate so I could join in on the fun. I was just like Scarlett in that way. The thought of missing out on a second of family time made me sad. Plus, I didn't want Sophie seeing me eat the banana. Saying no to Scarlett was hard. Saying no to Sophie was almost impossible. She could cry at the drop of a hat. I was pretty sure she was going to be an actress when she grew up. She'd probably win an Oscar.

  When I walked out of the kitchen, I couldn't help but laugh. James was lying in the middle of the foyer surrounding by all the kids who were repeatedly smacking their pillows against his back.

  "We killed the beast!" Axel yelled.

  I wasn't sure how it had morphed into killing a beast instead of attacking a prince.

  James opened one eye to look at me laughing.

  "Kids, I think he's still alive!" I pointed to his opened eye.

  "Get 'em!" Scarlett jumped onto his back.

  James cringed when she landed right on his spine.

  Crap. Every now and then James' back would give out. Based on the expression on his face, I was pretty sure Scarlett's landing hadn't magically fixed it. And I couldn't imagine taking care of these kids all day without his help. "Okay," I said and lifted Scarlett off his back. "How about you guys go clean up the board game and pick out a new one to play?"

  The three of them ran off toward the family room.

  "Are you alright?" I asked.

  "Ow," he mumbled and turned his face away from me. He hated when I saw him in pain. The years together hadn't changed that.

  I knelt down next to him on the floor and gently touched his lower back. He didn't seem to have any reaction to that, which was good. I pushed up the bottom of his t-shirt and applied the smallest amount of pressure on his skin. "Does that hurt?"

  Suddenly, he rolled onto his back, pulled me on top of him, and started tickling my sides.

  "James!" I said in the small amount of breath I could take between fits of giggles. "You liar! You're not hurt at all."

  He continued tickling me.

  "Stop!" I laughed. "I can't breathe."

  His hands settled o
n my waist. "How many times do you think we've had sex right here?"

  I put my index finger against his lips. "James, lower your voice. The kids are in the other room."

  He tickled my side again so my hand slipped from his mouth. "God you're beautiful."

  I smiled down at him. "You can't flatter me out of this one. I think Scarlett picked up this lying fix from you."

  He shook his head. "A trick is different than a lie."

  "I thought you were really hurt."

  "No. I just wanted you on top of me." He reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "But really. We used to come back from events and have sex right when we stepped into our apartment. Do you remember that?"

  I bit the inside of my lip. How could I possibly forget? "I might need a reminder."

  He ran his thumb along my lip so that I'd stop biting it. "Kiss me, Penny."

  I leaned down and placed my lips against his.

  He grabbed the back of my head to deepen the kiss. And he wasn't kissing me like our house was filled with company. He was kissing me like we had just gotten back from a gala where we both had too much to drink.

  "I remember," I whispered.

  I could feel his smile in the kiss. I could feel every emotion when our bodies were intertwined like this.

  "What on earth are you two doing on the floor?" Ellen said as she came into the apartment. "James, you're going to throw out your back again."

  "We were just getting up," he said and slapped my ass.

  "Ellie!" Scarlett yelled as she ran into the foyer. "The ice cream is here!"

  "Ice cream!" Axel and Sophie yelled in unison.

  "Do you really think that's a good idea?" I asked James as I got up off the floor. "They're going to be wired up all day."

  "You try telling them no. It was three against two down here for a couple of hours. But now that you're up at least we won't be outnumbered."

  I watched the kids run into the kitchen after Ellen. "Thanks for saving me a banana."